Outis

Russell Davies has photos and one-line reviews of “greasy spoon” breakfast spots in England and America. They’re available at: eggbaconchipsandbeans and breakfasts in america, respectively.

Click for German version. I think his shtick still works.

Last week, Ana and I spent two nights at a hotel in the main tourist section of Barcelona, which meant we got to watch a great deal of German-language television. (The same thing happened when we visited Zaragoza, another popular destination for Germans, apparently.)

One of the programs we caught more than once was an MTV program which consisted of nothing more than commercials for ringtones. At first, it looked like a standard music video countdown only each clip was branded with the SMS code required for purchasing a polyphonic ringtone of the song being shown. The videos were then ranked according to their sales.

One of the top three was a song called “Happy Birthday” by Flipsyde. It’s a standard, mainstream rap song and neither it nor the video, which is black and white, would catch your attention.

Unless, of course, it’s the first English you’ve heard in a long time — which was our case. And then you start to pay very close attention.

At that point, this song/video/ringtone reveals itself to be something quite extraordinary: either a very stupid and selfish lament or a truly revolting piece of calculated, insidious pandering.

The second verse:

I’ve got a millon excuses to why you died
Bet the people got their own reasons for homicide
Who’s to say it woulda worked, and who’s to say it wouldn’t have?
I was young and strugglin’ but old enough to be your dad
The fear of being a father has never disappeared
Pondering frequently while I’m sippin’ on my beer
My vision of a family was artificial and fake
So when it came time to create I made a mistake
Now you’ve got a little brother maybe he’s really you?
Maybe you really forgave us knowin’ we was confused?
Maybe everytime that he smiles it’s you proudly knowin’ that your father’s doin’ the right thing now?
I never tell a woman what to do with her body
But if she don’t love children then we can’t party
Think about it every year, so I picked up a pen
Happy birthday, love you whoever you woulda been
Happy birthday…

Touching.

You might be wondering where Flipsyde are from since, as Ana suggested, they haven’t heard of this new technology called CONDOMS.

Unless there are two or more Flipsyde’s currently making the rounds, it appears this group is from Oakland, California though they’ve got quite the international management team.

Because at the same time this “anti-Unborn Baby-Murder” hit is climbing the charts in Germany and neighboring countries — prompting one Swiss chatboard poster to remark “Guter Song, mit bewegenden Lyrics” (good song with moving lyrics) — Flipsyde is getting mainstream attention in the U.S. for selling their inspirational song “Someday” to the NBC Winter Olympics.

I believe this is what the critics call “commercial music,” no?

Of course, commerce is now global, making it possible to “sell out” in 20 languages. In this case, as “Happy Birthday” continues to move the hearts and minds of Austrian, Swiss and German youth, I can’t help but think there is a little bit “orientalism” at work here — or, in this case, occidentalism.

Do German kids understand and/or savor the irony of participating in a saccharine anthem for the men’s rights movement in the U.S. — an irony no doubt sweetened by the fact that the singer is cast as a struggling Black man, making his way against the current of mainstream (white) American society?

If this strikes you as idle speculation on my part, there’s one more detail I want you to consider. The second time we caught the video, we watched it through to the end. Mostly in shock.

Just below the giant, omnipresent banner for purchasing the ringtone, the following information flashed on the screen:

“Flipsyde featuring t.A.T.u..”

Yes, that t.A.T.u.

Remember them?

Via BoingBoing:

Police Station Intimidation-Parts 1 and 2, an investigative report by the television news department of CBS 4 in Coral Gables, Florida.

Lauderhill Police Department

tester: Yeah, I wanted to find out how to file a complaint against an officer. I just want to find out how you do it. Do you guys have a form or something that I could take with me.
officer: Well, you got to tell me first, and then I got to hear what’s going on. You’ve got to tell me what the complaint is.
tester: Do you have a complaint form that I can, like, fill out or something like that?
officer: Might not be a legitimate complaint.
tester: Who decides that?
officer: I’m trying to help you.
tester: Like, if there’s a form, why can’t I just take it and leave, right?
officer: No, you don’t leave with forms. You tell me what happened, and then I help you from there. Do you have I-D on?
tester: Why?
officer: You know what? You need to leave.
tester: Why?
officer: I’m going to tell you one more time, because I can’t do this anymore with you, okay. You’re refusing to tell me what you want to do, okay. You’re refusing to tell me who’s involved, where it happened, what transpired. You’e not cooperating with me one bit.
tester: I was just asking if you guys have a complaint form, like if there’s some way for me –
officer: Out of my way.
tester: To contact Internal Affairs.
officer: You can do whatever the hell you want. It’s a free country.
man” You’re cursing at me.
officer: Where do you live? Where do you live? You have to tell me where you live, what your name is, or anything like that.
tester: For a complaint? I mean, like, if I have –
officer: Are you on medications?
tester: Why would you ask me something like that?
officer: Because you’re not answering any of my questions.
tester: Am I on medications?
officer: I asked you. It’s a free country. I can ask you that.
tester: Okay, you’re right.
officer: So you’re not going to tell me who you are, you’re not going to tell me what the problem is.You’re not going to identify yourself.
tester: All I asked you was, like, how do I contact –
officer: You said you have a complaint. You say my officers are acting in an inappropriate manner.
officer: So leave now. Leave now. Leave now.
tester: I’m not doing anything wrong.
officer: Neither am I. It’s a free country.
officer: I’m not in your face. I’m standing on the sidewalk. It’s a free country. One more step forward, and you’ll see what happens. Take one more step forward.)

There’s much more.